Emotional Issues Introduction
Emotional
Issues
Emotions are part of
what God gave humans that make us unique amongst all the creatures
on this planet. But sometimes, humans can operate on
"feelings" rather than "facts." We hope
this page will help you view emotions from the truth God's
perspective rather than the world's (and current society's) view.
Some common issues are below: (Click topic to be taken to a separate
page.)
Healing
Offenses
Toward God, Ourselves and Others
There
are two parts to this page, healing offenses toward God (the first 8
points) and forgiveness (12 points listed at the bottom of this
page.) These first eight
steps are steps toward getting a clear conscience which produces a freedom to serve
God. The points at the bottom show how to forgive oneself and forgive
others thus allowing us to walk in freedom in our spirits and our
relationships.
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The
judgment of God
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Acknowledgment
of sin
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Fear
of the Lord
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Desire
for a clear conscience
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Confession
of sin
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Repentance
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Restitution
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Accountability
The
first step in the clearing of one's conscience is experiencing the
judgment of God (Hebrews 12:6-13).
God, in
one sense, doesn't discipline Satan's kids; however, He is quick to
discipline His own. One may experience physical illness
because he abuses his body, the temple of God. Judah was sick
in the head and in the body. One may have migraine headaches
because he is wrestling with guilt. He may have family
problems with his spouse and children. He may have social
problems at work, school, or with civil authorities. He may
experience mental agony of depression, fear, worry, and anxiety.
He may have financial problems and not be able to pay his bills.
He may experience a bondage to various addictions (drugs, alcohol,
sex, and work). God may simply turn us over to our enemies for
destruction as he did with Judah. Sin always has a
consequence, the judgment of God.
The
second step is to come to the acknowledgment of sin.
Again, the soul is like a city. The sins which one harbors in
his soul are like strongholds within the city. One may be
afraid that other people might find out about the inner strongholds
of sin; therefore, he builds a wall of defense around the city.
The field of psychology has come up with several dozen defense
mechanisms that we may use to keep from facing the truth about our
failures and our lives.
The psychological defense mechanisms
are like the stones that make up the wall about the city. Some
of the more formal ones are denial, suppression, projection,
rationalization, regression, displacement, idolization, and
compensation.
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(1) Denial is when we simply deny that we did
what we did. "I didn't do it!" Peter used
denial when he was asked if he knew Jesus (Matthew 26:69-75).
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(2) Suppression is voluntarily pressing something that we have done
down deep in our subconscious so that we won't have to look at it.
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(3) Projection is projecting our sinful behavior upon someone else.
"I didn't do it. John did it."
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(4)
Rationalization is trying to reason away any guilt involved.
It is saying, "Well, it was only a little white lie."
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(5)
Regression is an attempt to relive an earlier time of our lives so
that we don't have to face the current situation.
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(6)
Displacement is one that we all use. Instead of taking
responsibility for our wrong, we kick the cat or scream at the
children.
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(7) Idolization is redirecting our attention off
ourselves and placing it upon someone whom we would like to be.
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(8) Compensation is trying to make up for some failure in one area
of our lives by excelling in another area of our lives. Each
of these are lies of the enemy that make up a stronghold. They
are sins. Although the devil blinds our eyes at times, we
allow him to do so. To get a clear conscience we must face the
truth about our sin.
The
third step to get a clear conscience is to experience the fear of
the LORD. "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of
knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs
1:7). The fear of the LORD is to connect our wrong actions to
God's response to our actions. Until we do this, we will
continue in our ways of sin. We must realize that God sees and
knows everything that we do wrong whether it is in the dark or
anyone else knows about it or not. God exhorts us by saying,
"Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from
evil" (Proverbs 3:7).
The fear of the LORD goes beyond
the fear of getting caught. God's Word says, "The fear of
the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogance, and the evil way,
and the perverse mouth, do I hate" (Proverbs 8:13). We
should also understand that if we can trust God to discipline us,
then we may also trust Him to reward us. "In the fear of
the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place
of refuge" (Proverbs 14:26). We should see that we must
begin with the fear of the LORD; then we can move on to restoration.
"The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honor
is humility" (Proverbs 15:33).
Some
people have the belief that "the fear of the LORD" is just
an Old Testament concept, but there are some rather strong verses in
the New Testament on the topic. "Wherefore we receiving a
kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may
serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear" (Hebrews
12:28). "And if ye call on the Father, who without
respect of persons judgeth according to every man's work, pass the
time of your sojourning here in fear" (I Peter 1:17).
Fourth,
to get a clear conscience we must desire a clear conscience.
Not everyone will have this desire. Some will desire the
pleasure of sin much more than doing what is right. Others
will fear the consequences of what they might have to do to get a
clear conscience. David expressed God's desire by saying,
"Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the
hidden part thou shall make me to know wisdom" (Psalm 51:6).
Then David said, "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean:
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy
and gladness; that the bones which thou has broken may rejoice. Hide
thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within
me" (Psalm 51:7-10).
We
should understand that God's law is written in our conscience.
"Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their
conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while
accusing or else excusing one another" (Romans 2:15). We
should also understand that when we sin we defile our conscience.
"Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are
defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and
conscience is defiled. They profess that they know God; but in
works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto
every good work reprobate" (Titus 1:15-16). Again,
the Word of God must be used to crack through the hardness.
The
fifth step to achieve a clear conscience is to make a confession of
your sins. James exhorts us by saying,
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,
that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a
righteous man availeth much" (James 5 :16). The first
part of confession is agreeing with God and others that we have
sinned. Confession is saying, "I was wrong. Please
forgive me." It is not saying, "I am
sorry." Someone may have a car wreck in front of your
house, and you may say to them, "I am sorry that you had the
wreck." However, you are not expressing any
responsibility in what you said. We should be careful not to
use blame toward others in our confession. For example, we
should not say, "I guess I was wrong, but if you hadn't done
such and such, I wouldn't have done what I did." We must
take responsibility for what we have done and let others take
responsibility for what they have done. Literally one should
say, "I was wrong" or "God has convicted me that I
was wrong." A partial confession will not work. One
must tell the whole truth.
Next, we
should express how we were wrong. We may have had wrong actions,
wrong words, wrong attitudes, or wrong motives.
In expressing a wrong action, one might say, "I should have
paid more attention to you when you were speaking." In
expressing wrong words, one might say, "I should not have said
that you were lazy. I was very inconsiderate of all the work
you have done in the past." In expressing a wrong
attitude one might say, "I should not have gotten angry at you
as I did." Finally, in confessing a wrong motive, one
might say, "I showed extra respect toward you (my boss) so that
you would give me a better position. I should have shown you
respect because you are the authority that God has placed over
me."
A second
part of confession is asking the person whom we have offended for
forgiveness. We should recognize that forgiveness is never
deserved. Therefore when we ask for forgiveness, we are
actually making a request. We are not demanding it.
Therefore, we should leave the request with the other person,
whether or not he is willing to forgive. God is quick to
forgive because it is of His nature to forgive through Jesus.
However, it may be quite difficult for others to forgive us.
The other person may not be willing to forgive us if he is balancing
blaming us with his own offense. If the other person, in such
a case, forgives us, then he must look at his own guilt. He
may not, therefore, be willing to face the things that he has done
to offend us.
It is
also good to plan what you will say. If you wait until you are
facing the person you have offended, you may be too emotionally
charged to communicate clearly. Jesus tells of the planned
confession of the prodigal son. "I will arise and go to
my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against
heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called
thy son: make me as one of thy servants" (Luke 15:18-19).
Normally, we should go to and face the person that we have sinned
against. Letters are usually not the best way of confession
for two reasons: people read between the lines, and they may
use the written words against us. Phone calls may be
acceptable in many cases. We normally should not have others
to relay the message for us because they may distort the message.
The
sixth step in getting a clear conscience is repentance.
The word repentance comes from a military concept meaning to do an
about-face. We are headed in the wrong direction. We are
to stop, turn around, and go in the right direction. Ezekiel
gives us a picture of repentance by saying, "But if the wicked
will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my
statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely
live, he shall not die" (Ezekiel 18:21). It is a turning
from sin to do that which is right. Peter puts it this way in
the book of Acts, "Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that
your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall
come from the presence of the Lord" (Acts 3:19).
Someone
might ask, "Isn't repentance for sinners? Do Believers
also need to repent?" The answer is "Yes" to
both questions. "If my people, which are called by my
name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn
from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will
forgive their sin, and will heal their land" (II Chronicles
7:14). God spoke those words to His chosen people, but they
may apply to us today. Furthermore, Jesus told the church of
the Laodiceans to repent. Jesus said, "As many as I love,
I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent"
(Revelation 3:19). We must understand that true repentance is
more than an outward act, it is an inward change of heart.
"For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be
repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death" (II
Corinthians 7:10).
The
seventh step toward getting a clear conscience is that of making
restitution. Although there are various biblical laws,
let us take a look at several. "If a man shall deliver
unto his neighbor money or stuff to keep, and it be stolen out of
the man's house; if the thief be found, let him pay double"
(Exodus 22:7). Notice that the caretaker was to pay double for
that which he was responsible. In another situation, a thief
was to pay seven times as much as he had stolen. "But if
he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the
substance of his house" (Proverbs 6:31).
Luke records an occasion where Zacchaeus, a tax collector, climbed
up into a tree to see Jesus as he passed by. Jesus stopped and
called to him to come down from the tree and go and fix him a meal.
Zacchaeus submitted himself to Jesus as Lord and said that he was
willing to make restitution. "And Zacchaeus stood, and
said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the
poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false
accusation, I restore him fourfold" (Luke 19:8).
Restitution brings freedom because we have to give up more than we
originally took.
The
eighth step toward achieving a clear conscience is accountability.
Inmates in prison often declare that it easier for them to be in
prison than to be walking around in society. Why? In
prison, the guards hold them accountable for their actions. In
society, they are pretty much on their own. Therefore, it is
important for one who is in the process of clearing his conscience
to submit himself to an authority that will hold him accountable.
Paul
exhorts us to submit ourselves to authority. "Let every
soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of
God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever
therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and
they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For
rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou
then not be afraid of the power? Do that which is good, and thou
shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of
God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid;
for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God,
a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.
Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for
conscience sake" (Romans 13:1-5). Look again at the last
clause. We are to submit ourselves to those in authority for
conscience sake. The authority may first need to deal with the
stronghold of stubbornness in our lives before he releases us into
service or ministry.
Offenses
That Others Have Brought To Us
Steps
To Freedom
Do it
now even if you have done it before. Pray, "Dear God I
believe that Jesus Christ died for all my sins and arose again the
third day that I might have Eternal Life. Therefore, I give
my life to Jesus, letting Him become my Lord. Amen." (Romans
10:9-10).
Pray,
"Dear God, I ask for your help that I may forgive those who
have hurt me." (Hebrews 4:16).
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3.
Bind up in the name of Jesus anything (anger, fear, hate,
bitterness, revenge, murder, and confusion) that would keep you from
making the choice to forgive others.
Declare
aloud, "In the name of Jesus I bind _____________ and
declare that these will have no power to keep me from forgiving
others." (Matthew 16:19).
God
is on your side! (Romans 8:31).
"And
forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."
(Matthew 6:12).
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6.
Now confess your choice before God. Say, "Dear God, I
purpose in my heart by your grace to forgive (release)
_______________ (put the name of each person in the blank) for what
they have done to hurt me."
(Matthew
6:14). This step may take some time as the Holy Spirit
reveals various names and events to you.
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7.
Next, place each person who has hurt you in God's hands and ask Him
to release them from what they have done to hurt you. Pray,
"Lord, I place ____________ (their names) in your hands for
your judgment and ask that You also forgive them for what they have
done to me."
Jesus
did this when he was on the cross. (Luke 23:34) Stephen also
did this when he was being stoned to death. (Acts 7:60).
Pray,
"Dear God, I have forgiven ___________ and ask that you
forgive me of having unforgiveness toward ____________."
(Matthew 6:14).
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9.
Next, ask God to forgive and cleanse you from other sins related to
unforgiveness. Pray, "Heavenly Father, I ask that you
forgive me of __________________ (examples: anger, hate, revenge,
bitterness, and depression) and cleanse my life of all these
things." (I John 1:9).
Ask
God to restore your soul (Psalms 23:3). Pray, "Lord, I
ask that You take back the property that I have yielded to the
enemy through unforgiveness." Note: God is the one who
restores one's soul.
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10.
In the name of Jesus command all those evil spirits of ___________
and _________ to be bound and to leave your mind, will, and emotions
and not to come back. Say, "In the name of Jesus, I
command _________________ to leave and not to return again."
(Mark 16:17)
The Holy Spirit is a witness with your spirit to the amount
of freedom that you have received. Pray, "Holy
Spirit, since you are a witness to my spirit, am I now free
in this area?" Then listen in faith for the Holy
Spirit to speak to you. (Again, it is good to have the
confirmation of a Christian counselor's spiritual
discernment.) REMEMBER: "If the Son (Jesus)
shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed" (John
8:36).
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12. DON'T FORGET TO SHUT THE
DOOR BEHIND YOU!
You don't want evil to follow you. You can shut the door by
receiving the healing of your hurts through trusting in
Jesus. Jesus said that the Father had sent Him
to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18). Pray, "I
ask you, Heavenly Father, to heal the wounds through the
work of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Amen."
Finally, ask the Lord to show you how you can begin to bless
the one who has offended you. When Job prayed for his
friends, God set him free. "And the LORD turned
the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also
the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before" (Job
42:10).
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